Tightly Wound

Bloglock

One of the hazards of an extended blogbreak is the tendency for various events and items that you would normally blog about to build up to a critical mass inside your head, making you incapabale of concentrating on one of them long enough to form a coherent blog entry upon your return. Let's refer to this phenomenon as bloglock. And boy, do I have an advanced case. I think the only way to rid myself of the bloglock is to do a system purge, so that will explain the bizarre, varied and bulleted nature of this post. Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to focus my latent irritation on one topic. And now, on to Things I Did/Saw/Was Irritated By during my Christmas vacation.

• Item the first - the ubiquitous Molly Ivins exhorting us all to create peace on earth by writing a check to a PAC or the ACLU. Yes Molly, giving cash to bloated self-important bueauracracies is EXACTLY the best and most expedient way to end hunger, poverty and strife. SO much more effective than actually, oh, I don't know, donating cash, food or clothing DIRECTLY TO A SHELTER, YOU STUPID BINT. This column made me laugh, which was a positive thing, since I'm sure my family would have been quite disappointed if my head had actually exploded prior to Christmas. Politicians will save the world--well, if you give the ones on the right side the money, that is. Whatever. Next!
• Item the second - Return of the King. Saw it twice, loved it. Am already dying to see all the Samwise scenes they cut, because I KNOW they're there. Not that I am a crazed Sam fan, or anything. Didn't agree with Frodo telling Sam to go home, because it was a) out of character, b)amazingly improbable, and c)a blatant and unnecessary plot device (the Sam/Frodo/Shelob encounter in the book is every bit as exciting and demonstrates Gollum's perfidy just as well), but I'll get over it. But I want the extended Platinum DVD NOW! I wants it!
• Item the third - The Boy. Dragged from pillar to post, The Boy was a model of excellent behavior--he slept without complaint in his little inflatable bed (he isn't out of his crib yet in our house, but there was no whining or wandering about when he discovered his bed was all unfettered), sat for over an hour in a boring adult restaurant with nary a complaint, was friendly and polite to everyone, and made mommy very proud--UNTIL Christmas Eve, when he spent half of the service wailing in the vestibule that he wanted to be with his daddy (who was reading at the lecturn) and spent the other half of the service lying at our feet as we stood at our communion station giving communion. When you've got a big ol' goblet of grape juice, you can't be leaning down to a haul a toddler to his feet, is all I'm saying. Fortunately, he escaped unflattened, and enjoyed his Thomas-themed Christmas very much. Especially once he figured out that he could make the ride-on Thomas go by merely pushing his foot down on the pedal, as opposed to leaning over and pressing his foot down with his hand, which resulted in a fine Quasimodo impression but which was probably not much fun.
• Item the fourth - Dear Faculty Member-Type Person Walking Down Hillsborough Street: As far as I can tell, you are not a North African prince, nor is there a Grateful Dead concert scheduled for your lunch hour, so could you please do my retinas and fashion sense a favor and LOSE THE CAFTAN? Seriously. There is no excuse for that outfit. Especially when it's coupled with kneesocks, clogs, wire-rimmed spectacles and a she-mullet hairdo. I can smell the patchouli from here. What are you, forty-five? Fifty? Yeah, let me spell this out--IT'S OVER. Tell your fellow travellers at the Society for the Preservation of Ridiculous Hippie-Wear that you can all put away the tie-dye, hemp clothing and yes, even the flowing caftans, and go gently into that good night. Or not gently. We don't give a rat's ass, as long as you GO!

Ahh. I feel much better now. Cleansed, even.

Posted by Big Arm Woman at January 6, 2004 10:47 AM